When Background Checks Become Time Travel – A Black-Humored Journey Through the Absurdities of Modern Hiring Processes
Job applications in the digital age – faster, smarter, more efficient? 🤖 Think again. Welcome to the Kafkaesque reality of an ordinary IT applicant. This blog post is based on my personal experience and sheds light on how a harmless 1st Level IT Support role turned into an involuntary retro journey through my own past. Complete with a GDR school certificate 🏫 and a raised eyebrow 🤨 – served with sharp wit, a pinch of dark humor 🖤, and a few critical questions.
"Just" 1st Level IT Support – The Beginning of an Odyssey 🧭
It all started innocently. A job offer in Lisbon, at Planet 🌍. 1st Level IT Support. No high-security clearance, no access to nuclear codes 💥 – just your classic IT entry-level role. Friendly, international, sunny ☀️. Or so I thought. What followed wasn’t a standard application process, but a full-blown farce Kafka himself couldn’t have scripted better 📜.
The Background Check – A Deep Dive into Bureaucratic Absurdity 🕵️♂️
The so-called background check was conducted by an external company: Sterling. And let me tell you – Sterling left no stone unturned in dissecting my professional and private life 🔍. Sure, security checks have their place – but somewhere between "reasonable" and "paranoid," there is a line. And Sterling gleefully jumped over that line with both feet 🏃♂️.
Time Travel to East Germany – Why My 1981 School Certificate Suddenly Mattered 🕰️
The peak of this tragicomedy: I was actually asked to submit a copy of my school certificate from the Polytechnical Secondary School in the former GDR 🇩🇪. 44 years old. From an institution that hasn’t existed in decades. A piece of paper from another time, another system, another life 📄.
What is this document supposed to prove today? Other than: “Wow, you’re old 👴,” or “Congrats, you learned to write in East Germany.”
But to Sterling, it was apparently a crucial piece of evidence for my IT competence in 2025. One might think my BASIC programming skills from 1982 were the key to today’s server administration 🖥️.
Digitization Meets Bureaucracy – A Toxic Mix ☠️
While companies parade around on LinkedIn with buzzwords like "Digital Transformation," "Smart Recruiting," "Agile HR," and "Candidate Experience" 💼, the real hiring process often runs like a 1980s government office. Or better: like a relic from the GDR 🗂️.
With every additional document I had to submit, my unease grew 😣. It was no longer about qualifications or personality, but about control mania, pedantry, and bureaucratic overkill. The so-called candidate journey turned into an administrative scavenger hunt 🧾.
The Million-Dollar Question: But Why? 🤷♂️
Who actually benefits from this circus? 🎪 What does a global IT company gain when applicants are forced to dig through decades-old paperwork just to get a support role? It certainly doesn’t build trust – more like frustration and a bitter aftertaste 😒.
The answer is probably simple: process thinking overrides common sense. Risk minimization beats efficiency. And compliance trumps humanity. Or in IT terms: Garbage in – garbage out 🗑️.
Decision Against Planet, Decision for Genpact ✅
After six weeks in the process with Planet – including repeated questions about the existence of my GDR school – I pulled the plug 🔌. I accepted another offer from Genpact 💼. A company that communicates at eye level, acts pragmatically, and focuses on the present – not on paperwork from 40+ years ago 📆.
And yes: I chose Genpact precisely because of that. Not just for the job or the salary 💰, but for the respect they showed throughout the hiring process 🙌.
A Message to HR: Less Nostalgia, More Now 📣
Dear HR teams, dear recruiters: Please remember that your hiring process is not just a control mechanism, but also a reflection of your company’s values 🌟. If you send candidates through absurd verification rituals, you’re not demonstrating diligence – you’re signaling distrust. And if you ask for a 44-year-old school certificate, don’t be surprised about talent shortages ⚠️.
Instead, we need:
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✅ Proportional background checks
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✅ Respect for candidates’ real-life contexts
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✅ A focus on current competencies, not archived documents
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✅ And above all: a healthy dose of common sense 🧠
Conclusion: If You Cling to the Past, You Miss the Future 🚀
This experience was more than a quirky application anecdote – it was a mirror reflecting structural flaws in modern recruiting 🔍. And a clear indicator of what I’ll look for going forward: hiring processes that work with people – not against them 🤝.
Because in the end, it’s not a GDR certificate that defines a company’s future – it’s the people willing to help shape it 💡.
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